Jecika’s Wayward Ramblings…

Thats me in a nut shell. I should probably tell you there is going to be nothing positive in the words that follow, feel free to stop reading this is not weight loss related in any way, Im just plain bitching.

Yesterday was a day strait from &^$% I swear. Started with me feeling like drap when I got up, on my way to the gym before work hubby called nad said we did not have any hot water at the business. Hot water is a major issue  in an adult foster care home, have to have it. So I changed directions and skipped the gym (this did not break my heart at all) Get to the business and as Im walking in the door the the screen door hardware breaks. Then come in to find a note from staff that the kitchen lights stopped working. Then a resident comes out and tells me the yellow bathroom shower will not drain, and in turn when they went to use the green bathroom the shower knob broke off. All the water started the ants coming into the house. Needless to say I was overwhelmed. At work and on top of it, its a babysitting day as well. So I get all that accomplished and fied and leave work feeling pretty satisfied that everything is in its place and working. I then, baby in tow pick up my two friends and their toddler to go to NEw Baltimore, about 40 miles away. We no sooner get their and my friend noticed the hood of my truck steaming. So we pull over and low and behold the water pump blew, this is at 4:45 so of coarse there is no one that can fi it. And of coarse there is no rent a car places anywhere close. So I call my husband, great lot of help he is, he says “yeah”. So I hand up on him and call my brother, who is on a run in canada (he drives truck, and its his son I babysit) so he has to come all the way back to the yard drop off the semi and borrow his bosses suv to come get us, as his truck is not big enough. So while all that is going on I am trying t juggle a hungry baby and handle the phone call to my insurance, which of coarse only pays 15 miles of the tow. Then to further find out I have to wait for the tow truck. So My brother takes all them and I get to wait for the tow truck and of coarse ride home with him. So its not 7:30 and im freezing my arse off waiting for the tow, My loving hubby then calls to see whats happening…mind you this is nearly 3 hours later. I am so upset with him adn the situation I tell him where to go and how to get there….And im none to happy about having to ride with a stranger 40 miles….anyway I finally make it home at about 9pm only to find my husband has not watched the dogs (our girl is in heat) and find that the dogs have in fact done it, stuck together and everything. Puppies…just great. The find that our roommate, whom I asked NOT to drink my other friends beer he left here…not only drinking it but nearly 1/2 the 30 pack…did I mention he is an alcoholic? At anyrate Im was pissed and went strit to bed with out eating…oh yeah all I had all day was an orange. I sleep untill noon today and am still upset about everything. The damn business cost me about300 to fi yesterday and now the truck, started with a tow of 78$ after the part the insurance paid and of coarse were loooking at about 300 more to fi that! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I am taking today off from everything. Ill be back tomarrow in hopefully better form. Love to you all. Sorry about the bitchfit.

Im feeling a little blue today. Im beyond aggrivated that the scale will not cooperate on a long term time line. Seems All I am doing is losing and regaining the same 5lbs. Its very discouraging. Very very discouraging. Its one of those days when you go to the mirror and look at what you have become, physically and dont like it. Its so hard to stay positive and focused with no real results. Yes, I know I have come along way overall, but damn it I am looking at now and Im less than thrilled.

I want to feel good when I look in the mirror. I want to go shopping and not have to worry about IF  Ican find something that fits, let alone looks nice. I want to go to an Cedar Point and ride all the rides I choose, not those I will fit in. I want to put my seat belt on with out effort. I want boots that fit my calves. I want to take an airplane ride without having to worry about the size of my ass.I want to go shopping for the buisiness (I own an adult foster care and when I shop I shop) and not have people stare at the size of my cart piled high and see their looks that imply “no wonder she is fat”. I want to walk in the gym door with out the construction workers snickering. I want the cute vday nighties and know one of them will fit me. And most of all damn it I want a baby. I am just plain &^^*$$#& sick of being fat. I just want to scream. 1200-1600 Calories a day, low fat everything and gym 6 days a week should be moving the needle of the scale down, not back and forth.

Sorry for the rant. just a mood. I do beleive TOM is coming in for a visit. Great as if I need that! GRRRRR

 Oh and get this my sister slipped on the ice and fell the other day on the way into the gym. She hurt herself and went tot he doctor. This charming fellow informed her she was fat (yes he said fat) and that she needed to go on a diet. She again repeated…”i was on my way into the gym..” when he inquired what gym, she told him Curves and he said “Curves will work if you are an 80 year old woman but it wont do you any good” you need to reduce your calories. She, though stunned at his comments said I have been watching my calories, I eat around1200 a day, and he inturupted and said you cant cheat…and thats not nesisary if you reduced them to 2000 you would lose, just dont cheat. Mind you she had just had her first big loss of 7lbs the week before! So she was mad, but discouraged. What an asshole. I am so outraged.

 I am also unsubscribing to some of my buddies who have not blogged in awhile. It take s me forever to get thru them all and find those of you who do write and read! If you come back to blogging drop me a line so I can catch up with you!

Later all

Hope you are having a good day!