Jecika’s Wayward Ramblings…

Well I went to the doctor yesterday…and let me tell you I am not all the impressed. A whole lot of nothing went down, certainly no encouragment in the you can do it field….instead he pushed lap band surgery on me…..This is not the first time. He did it as well about 5 years ago or so…So now the question becomes what do I think about that? Any thought? Let me have them I am intested in what you all think…

How come when I am procrastinating the time flies bye? I just got ready to recommit myself and boom another month has gone bye with little change. Where did my go go attitude from last year run off too?? Well I had a very ugly reality check recently. We went on our annual camping trip up north. We canoe down the Au Sable River and stuff for about 10 days. It was wonderful.  All had a great time. Anyway the reality check came in the form of a very very unflattering photo of me and my husband….Hell and damnation I look like an Ogar and you can only see my hubby’s head….OMG I felt so terrible, I feel so terrible. For those of you who don’t know I got off to a fabulous start on this journey last year. I lost aprox. 75lbs in less than 6 months. Then I plateau (a phase in mental or physical development during which little headway is made)…and nothing. I gained and re-lost the same 5lbs for like 5 months….Being depressed coupled with holiday food I just ignored my eating plan. Completely. I have gained back aprox 25lbs that I lost last year, I never wanted to find those damn lbs and yet here they are. I pretty much stopped going to the gym.I want to recommit. I need to recommit. I am somewhat hesitant about going back to the gym. You see while I have been on hiatus my gym closed and I had to pick another one. So not only do I have to get back on the proverbial horse, I have to get back on a NEW horse…I’m not looking forward to it. When I first started the gym and everything, I did it by my self. Sometime during my plateau I got my sister to start going to the gym with me. I loved it. However I see now that it’s actually been an easy excuse. If she doesn’t go, I then rationalize not going my self. She is not committed at all. I’m not really happy about going tot his gym either, I’m more than a bit apprehensive. The town has a snooty reputation and the few times I have been to that gym I did not feel any kindred spirits so to speak. This makes it even more challenging.I’m going to do it. I’m going to set small attainable goals this first week. I don’t want to fail. I WONT fail. I did make a doctors appointment, the first in years. I don’t know what I expect but I guess my health is a good place to start.Well I am going to end by posting this horrible photo on this blog. It breaks my heart to look at it, But I need to face reality. It’s funny I don’t feel this fat, I never have. I don’t know if its that way for others, but I am healthy and strong, fast and not lazy. I have never let my fat hinder me physically….but seeing this photo, well it makes me feel like a poster girl for obesity in america.How depressing is that?